I am laying in my chilly apartment in the late August heat. I start my final year of college next week- and I admittedly feel nerves about going back to school. I had a strange chest pain all day, and I bounced back and forth in my reasoning for the pain. I wondered if it was anxiety, or the entire baguette smothered in Trader Joes balsamic glaze, which I demolished before noon. I wish it were the latter, because the wrath of the quickly consumed baguette would not linger as long as an anxiety attack. Perhaps, slamming an entire loaf of bread is a flashing sign that I am feeling anxious. I am a nervous eater. For that reason, it is not safe to prop me up next to a charcuterie board at a party, because I will talk and toss handfuls of snack food down the hatch while I work through my initial social anxieties. School starting next week, amidst life’s messiness has me feeling unprepared for the semester ahead. I took time off last year because I was dealing with loss and depression, and it was the healthy choice for me in that moment.
I write about these feelings and experiences in my blog because if you are reading this- Hey! Hi! It is normal to experience setbacks in life, and we should normalize individual healing, and honoring boundaries that are cohesive for that healing! After reading this first portion of the blog can you tell I am a gal riddled with anxiety, and hopefully a good sense of humor? The good sense of humor part may be lost on some of you thus far, but I assure you, I get funnier. It may sound redundant to claim to be funny, but I’ve spent most of my life explaining things away with “no, trust me, I AM funny!”. I have come to learn that if I am in a situation where I demand to be seen as funny and not inappropriate, I have already lost the crowd. And that’s show buizzz baby! Onward, to other things-
I had a lovely summer full of weddings, none of them my own… Which may be shocking to some of you that I haven’t been wifed up yet!? I know… it shocks me too! For sake of this blog not morphing into talk about my love life, I will move on to talk about my wonderful friends Leah, and Brooke getting married. I had the honor of being a bridesmaid twice this summer. The first, to one of my closest childhood friends, Leah- and a few weeks later to one of the closest friends I gained in college, Brooke! It is such an honor to stand beside people you love of their wedding day. I am not a big crier… but as mentioned earlier, I am a nervous eater. On both wedding days I ate good! On Brookes, I managed to slam an impressive amount of bite sized quiches. A lovely tribute to our friendship. As my friends stood at the altar marrying the loves of their lives, I may have not been capable of conjuring up any tears, but in all sincerity, I felt so much love in my heart to see them so perfectly happy. Yay for summer weddings, and open bars! The last wedding I was in, was last weekend, which left me about a week to roll into my next semester of school. I will be graduating with my bachelor’s in history, which is fuuuun, but the type of fuuun without a ton of job prospects- ya know? As I reflect, I think- would it have killed me to take a few more science and math courses? In all honestly, yes, it probably would have. I think my brain would have combusted at the threat of any further understanding of complex things such as elementary school algebra. Seriously, it was a big deal when I finished my very basic math course in college. I am pretty sure I demanded my mom to get me a cake to celebrate, to which she politely smiled and hugged me instead. My main passion was always in english and history courses. I love to write and although I managed to clumsily work towards a history degree, because I liked the research projects, I think studying history has made me a much better writer. Now what to do with the lovely degree and immense college debt? I feel like I have outgrown this little corner of life that I have safely tucked myself into. I live so close to my hometown, and I have worked the best job for growth as a young adult… but now I am ready for new goodness out in the world! I hope I end up somewhere with a beach… :0)
Libby Anne Groseclose